Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
...so i touched it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
