hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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