u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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