I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
