winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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