And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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