so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
