don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
