So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
