Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
