Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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