There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
