This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
