i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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