Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
