Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
