I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Welp...herpes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
