Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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