He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize