i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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