Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
