he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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