worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it penis luge time yet?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
