He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
