And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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