I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
