I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
