I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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