easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
