you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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