He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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