ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
