he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
