A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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