My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
