every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
