just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His nipple licking is glorious
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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