well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
