So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
