I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
