Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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