the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
