he thought i was a dude.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
