I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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