I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
