there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
