somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
