he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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