I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
