i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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