So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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