He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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