when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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