I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
