I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
