So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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