I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
