Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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