Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
